Unrealestate: Big Stupid House Wants Big Stupid Price of $800K

Curbed Detroit

Here's a 15,000 square foot mansion that is sadly going a little Grey Gardens on the inside, which leaves the realtor writing the sales text in a tough spot. Positioning an over-priced dilapidated mess (the owner wants $800,000) is a real challenge. One might just freak out and decide to write a little fiction instead of deal with reality. Like this:

Potentially THE best home in the city for entertaining.
Oh dear God. Did they mean for entertaining mice? It looks like the dining room wasn't cleaned after the last party and the library has what looks like several inches of hastily pushed aside dust.

The highest sales price in this neighborhood from the last several years was $485,000 for a 9,300 square foot mansion (bought by the President of Shinola). At 15,000 square feet this is a lot more house, but also a lot more mess. Whoever is it selling only paid $410,000 for the crazy estate in 2012, according to Zillow, which makes this one of the wildest attempted flips we've seen recently.

The text continues:

House is habitable, but pressing carpentry & plumbing repairs. 3rd floor taken to the studs, rooms not in room count. 3 bedroom apartment in carriage house also to the studs.

This home looks like a disaster that will clearly not sell before several severe PriceChoppers. Here is all of the original, unedited sales text from the original listing:
5 mins from Downtown & Tigers. 2 formal entrances, grand staircase, library, 2 kitchens, solarium, ballroom, 2 basements. 5 exposed & 5 covered fire places. Walk-in safe contains 2 walk-in safes. Fenced. Large Pewabic fountain & 3 others. Playing field, pergola, formal & sunken gardens. No. wing has 3 bedrooms, living room, 2 bathrms, & 3rd kitchen for servants guests relatives. House is habitable, but pressing carpentry & plumbing repairs. 3rd floor taken to the studs, rooms not in room count. 3 bedroom apartment in carriage house also to the studs. Carriage house has large basement, a wood shop with loft, studio apartment & vehicle turntable, all non functioning. Showing Instructions: Appointments required. Proof of funds, attorney's letter stating potential buyer has sufficient liquid funds, or $75 non-refundable showing fee to be tendered at or before showing. (Mortgage approval letter is insufficient...

· 1771 Seminole St [Realtor]
· President of Shinola Breaks a Sales Record in Indian Village [Curbed Detroit]

View Comments (143)